mutually exclusive statements

Lately my life can be summarized by statements that seem mutually exclusive. They start with these two:

• I want to live overseas.
• I want to live here.
  

These are both true, but for different reasons.

To clarify, I am more inclined to want to live overseas than here, at this time. But what else is true?

• I want to go somewhere where I might not spend time with children.
  (This is not why I want to go, it just a fact of the current situation).
• I want to spend time with children.

• I choke at the thought of missing dear friends.
• I choke at the thought of never having a chance to try living elsewhere.

• I like foreign travel, new faces, new places.
• I like homebody Saturdays, familiar faces, security.

• I understand why people don't want me to go.
• I don't understand why people don't want me to go.

A conversation from this evening reminded me of what almost seems like this dual existence even within myself. I spoke of making big life changes and asked for input. One of my advisers asked, "Is this the desire of your heart?" I appreciated the question, but to answer that question with a "Yes" seems almost rude. It sounds like I'm saying, "The desire of my heart is to move far away from you, to only see you or talk to you rarely, to stop helping you when you need hands-on help." But to say that making this change is the desire of my heart does not mean that making this change does not hurt my heart.

How to reconcile the two?

On the way home, I heard a song on the radio that reminded my why the disconnect seems so strong. The refrain says, "All I know is that I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong, take this world, and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong." Maybe that's where my trouble comes from.

• I am made of the stuff of earth.
• I am made of the stuff of eternity.

war, children, and the Bible

Because my children and I are studying Joshua in Sunday school, one of the themes that needed to be addressed was war and God, or "holy war." Some Grade 4 to 6 teachers would not ask their kids to grapple with the theology of war, but why not? They know war happens now and in Bible times, therefore they need to interpret what they hear through a Biblical lens. We greatly underestimate children's ability and stunt their spiritual growth when we simply repeat the "famous" stories they've heard (boring them to death), instead of introducing them to the endless treasure trove that is Scripture. When we teach the great themes and ideas behind the stories, creative Bible study methods and everyday applications to issues of morals and ethics, we remind them that the Bible is the source of everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). But my topic is holy war, and I digress.

I was not sure how to prepare to teach about holy war, as I have not studied the topic a lot myself. To address this topic, I used resources from Spokane Bible church's website. Tod Kennedy has a fairly simple introduction to understanding a Biblical theology of war. If you aren't American, brace yourself for a few eagles, stars, stripes and Bush references. But really, it is a good resource. See the web page here, or the powerpoint pdf here. I based my notes for the kids on some of the Biblical truths Tod shared.

As I thought about this topic, I remembered a letter to the editor which I found in a newspaper a few years ago. I photocopied it because it was one of the best secular statements I had ever heard on war. The words below are from the English philosopher John Stuart Mill:

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

I leave it to you to check the links above for more details on what I believe is quite a Biblical view of battle, but I think Mills' comments are insightful. For the years since I read this quote, I always carried this in my mind: worse than war is self-centred apathy which fights for nothing.

The timeline I keep on my classroom wall with key events from eternity past to eternity future is often a useful tool for framing truth in the context of the history. Today we talked about how war did not exist before sin entered the world, and will not exist when Christ rules in the Millenium, and after sin is forever put away. The visual really seemed to anchor the truths for one of my fifth graders, as she wondered at many years of history marred by war. By referring to the timeline, she recognized that the peaceful years are the years when God makes everything right, and the tumultuous years are years when Satan has much sway over our world system.

I also teach my children with a list of the key attributes of God on the wall. When our conversation about sin and war somehow led to "What happens to babies who die?", it was so helpful to have God's character traits on the wall and to remind the children that whatever God does, He is always fair, loving and perfect.

It is great when I can see the wheels turning in their heads, as they plug information into the framework of their knowledge of the big picture of history and the character of God. I think they enjoy a unique, unexpected topic, too.

The timeline reminded me too that we weren't made for war. As I prepared to teach the children, I came across Isaiah 2:1-5. Go ahead, click the link. Isaiah describes a beautiful time in the Millennium when the Lord's temple will be established, and the peoples of the earth will come to Him to be taught by Him. We see Christ as the perfect law-maker ("the law will go out from Zion"), judge ("He will judge between the nations") and peacemaker ("[He] will settle disputes for many peoples"). The result?

They will beat their swords into plowshares
   and their spears into pruning hooks.
Nation will not take up sword against nation,
   nor will they train for war anymore.

Isaiah presents a picture of hope that would soothe many hearts, if only they knew and believed. As Isaiah 2:5 says, "Let us walk in the light of the LORD." Our children need to understand the big picture, to fit their developing theology of war into the big picture of past, present and future. Joseph Mikael says, "The most valuable tool in your study of God's Word is your knowledge of the rest of God's Word." As we teach the greater framework, we create a place for each new truth to fit. When we help them to understand life through a Biblical viewpoint, we remind both them and ourselves of this great hope: this hurting world is not going to hurt forever. Our God's character never changes. His Word is rich and full of truth. So let's teach them, even about the not-so-child-friendly things. It's better that they hear it from us.

you will suffer.

"For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him..." — Paul (Phil. 1:29)

"In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted..." — Paul (2 Timothy 3:12)

Scripture teaches that suffering and persecution are integral to being a committed follower of Christ. The successful Christian life isn't the one where suffering is avoided, but the one where we suffer for Him as He suffered for us. Does this sound radical? I guess it is. But so is Biblical Christianity.

I don't usually follow John Piper, but someone posted the video below on Facebook. It echoes some of the things that have been on my mind and challenges me. I hope it challenges you, too.

Here's a quote from the video, and then the video itself.

"Will you join the Son in displaying the supreme satisfaction of the glory of grace in joining Him on the Calvary road of suffering, because there is no other way the world is going to see the supreme glory of Christ today except that we...begin to live lifestyles of...sacrifice that look to the world like our treasure is in heaven, not on the earth.... There never has been an breakthrough unto an unreached place or people without suffering. He paid his life for our salvation. We join Him in that suffering to display the nature of it."

 

when the peace of God rules

While in my heart I know the peace of God,  in my workplace I have noticed a lack of peace. It is sad that my reminder of the riches I have in Christ is often the dearth of the same in the lives others. The contrast is striking. I spend hours with them every week day, and notice that God's peace in my heart is unlike any they know. 

I hear one in particular often fretting:

• She goes to bed in the winter checking the forecast and worrying about the drive to work.
• She drives to work worrying about potential mechanical problems in her vehicle.
• She gets to work and she worries about me, if I'm walking to work ("There have been too many pedestrian deaths this winter") or worries about coworkers if they show up late (concerned that they might be in a car accident).

We might agree that she is a bit of an extreme example. But I hear their other concerns:

• health concerns (one illness after another)
• housing concerns ("Will we find a place to rent that is affordable?")
• money concerns ("I wish I had chosen a career that paid better, so I could retire sooner.")

There's always something. So, they have conversations about their struggles that lead to no great conclusions. They buy lottery tickets with the hope (which even they acknowledge is unlikely) of winning big...as if that would make life easier. In an attempt at positivity, sometimes they say, "I am sure it will all work out fine." But this is just wishful thinking built on no sure foundation. Inside, I see that there's a fuss.

But what a fuss it must be, if you realize that ultimately, you are alone.

Oh, some of them have "significant others" in their lives, but these are boyfriends with no signed commitment to stay with them in sickness or in health. When in a vulnerable stage like pregnancy, they don't know if their man will really stick around, or for how long. Ultimately, there is no human who can ever be there for them in every circumstance, so they are alone. Though I have no boyfriend or husband, I am more secure and well cared for than they are. 

They may have parents much closer geographically than mine, but my Heavenly Father is incomparably better. He is always with me, providing, guiding, and being my companion.

Admittedly, my peace is falsely placed, sometimes, in financial margin, good health, human relationships or reasonable rent. Some of the things that have led to my supposed security have simply been wise choices made by my parents or me, instructed by Scripture, like hard work, integrity and fiscal responsibility.

But at the deepest level, I know my peace springs from these truths: My Creator is also my Saviour and Provider. He is good. I can search out the promises of Scripture and find that He will always care for me like a kind Shepherd. What is a car problem, illness or an empty bank account to Him? Watchman Nee, who lived a more difficult life than most, wrote, "God knows what He is doing and there is nothing accidental in the life of the believer. Nothing but good can come to those who are wholly His."

The God of the Scriptures gives peace on the deepest level. The peace purchased at the cross was not just peace with God in a judicial sense, declaring me righteous and fit for Heaven, but peace in an everyday sense. Colossians 3:15 speaks of the peace of God ruling or arbitrating in our hearts. His peace guards my heart and my mind (Phil. 4:7). Entering 2012, may we make these our goals: to allow His peace to arbitrate in our hearts, and to testify of His peace, available to all.

order begins in the soul

A messy life is usually a reflection of a messy soul. When a person's visible life is chaotic, their inner life is also in disrepair. Or at least, this is my observation. The reverse is not as often true. By this I mean that a neat house, a RSS feed to I'm an Organizing Junkie or carefully-filed paperwork are not sure indicators of a soul is at peace. But mark my words, continual disorder on the surface is harbinger of more serious problems. Just keep your eyes open.

Growing up, I knew two families that stood out as having particularly messy homes. I'm not talking about a bit of clutter here and there. I'm talking rooms full of flotsam; and couches that always had to be cleared of miscellanea before a person could be seated. Important documents that never were filled out. Piles of gifts that never were given. Broken door latches that stayed that way. Let's be serious: it took a special kind of person to want to spend much time in these homes. They were a mess.

Years later, we learned that these families were (almost literally) covering deeper problems of the heart. Today, instead of the clutter of a home office covered in papers, I hear that their hearts have been torn to bits. Shards of relationships cover the ground and litter the shelves, paying no regard to the Bible on the window sill or the Bible college diploma on the wall. If only the disarray had merely been that of papers and collectibles, not that of hearts and lives.

I have lived with people whose bedroom floors are almost always covered in, well, anything and everything. Once, my brother noted that when he visited the home of a girl he had an interest in, there were empty cans all over the house; general chaos reigned. I told him that this was a warning sign, that was not the type of girl to date. (He didn't pursue her, though for reasons other than my warning). I have become increasingly convinced that when there is simply no desire for order, greater issues than cobwebs and dust bunnies abound.

Order in a home is more than physical or visual order, it is also order behind the scenes, in how the home functions on every level. Mental order, that understands and submits to God-given authority structures and categories. Spiritual order, where Christ is preeminent, as He should be. (Order always implies the use of suitable categories and distinctions). Homes that exhibit order through cleanliness, peacefulness and godliness are the most comfortable and welcoming for souls seeking Jesus. Physical disorder is often just an indicator that other disorder exists.

Notice that I speak of this in generalizations and in the long-term. I cannot make these statements across the board, because there may be a few loving yet disastrous-looking Christian's homes. And we must all know what it is to have a messy house to clean up, now and again. I'm more organizationally challenged than some. But I think that the difference is, when things get messy, something inside of me says this: as soon as I carve out some time, I'm going to clean this up. I don't want to live this way. I know there's something wrong about living in disarray.

When my home is in order, it seems that I have more time to look in on my soul. When I have time to look in on my soul, I am reminded of my need for the "simplicity and purity" of rekindled devotion to Christ. Just as a city on a hill cannot be hidden, neither can the peace brought about by a life that models godly order.

the incarnation and me

It is Christmas again, the time of year when we talk about the incarnation of God the Son.  "Incarnation" means "in the flesh." When Jesus came to earth, humanity finally saw God incarnate: God in the flesh. The classic incarnation passage is John 1:14, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen...the glory of the One and Only...."

God Himself became in every way like humanity. Well, in every way except one. He was without sin.
Humanity's observation of Him could be likened to the Israelites' observations of the lamb they chose for Passover. They could watch Him, check Him over, see if there was in Him any error or blemish, before He was given as the spotless sacrifice for sin.

What did the observers of the incarnation of Christ find? Peter, who lived closely with Jesus for several years, later wrote that He was "as..a lamb without blemish and without spot." (1 Peter 1:19) Pilate's judgment was clear: "I find no basis for a charge against this man." (Luke 23:4) The centurion said, "Truly this was the Son of God!" (Matthew 27:54) No one could find a sin in Him.

One of the many accomplishments of the incarnation was that it proved the perfection of Christ even amidst the struggles of life on a sinful earth. He was in all ways tempted as we are, yet without sin.

We often speak of the incarnation of Christ, but there is a sense in which every Christian evidences the incarnation, as well. Galatians says that "Christ lives in me." I do not know if this is theologically correct to borrow the term for our Christian experience, but humour me a while.

I often think about what it means to "incarnate" Christ in everyday life. I think my struggle with this has been accentuated by the new circumstances I have found myself in at work; management has been a daunting challenge. If there's anything I have learned from working with people who don't know Christ, it is that they observe everything about me, a follower of Christ. At moments when I am most unprepared, they toss out comments which show that they've been analyzing my life.

I have become especially convicted of my need for complete transparency and integrity in every way in the workplace (and the rest of life). This conviction has come both from experience and from the Word. In my Christian corner on a Sunday, I may seem like a good kid. But toss me out in front of the cranky employee, a difficult manager or an especially onerous task, and my flesh is seen, not Christ in my flesh. Sometimes they point out my blemishes, but more often, I'm just painfully aware of the inconsistencies in my testimony.

In my mind there once was a distinct line between ministry and secular employment, clergy and laity. God seems to be working hard to break down that barrier. He's teaching me about how every Christian is in the business of representing, or incarnating, if you will, the life of Christ before a watching world. The truly spiritual man is not the one who has a ministry title, but the one who lives out the life of Christ in every situation, no matter where he is or what he is doing. The Christian who lives out the incarnation.

Just as Satan many times attempted to thwart the incarnation of Christ, he and his legions still arm themselves against those who would incarnate Him daily. Hence the Christian's uphill battle to live a life of purity, consistency, wholeness. The world, the flesh and the devil arm themselves against us. I am asking God to shine His light in every corner of my life and leave nothing out. To consume my flesh and show Himself in my life, so that when others see my life (which they really do), they would see Christ's life.

As I've thought about Christians as the continuing incarnation of Christ in this world, I've been thinking about places where the good news of Christ is especially unwelcome. This is the wonder of the incarnation of Christ in us: He cannot be removed from us. He is our lifeblood. He is our hope of glory! Let them do what they will.

Incarnation. God came to earth in human flesh, so that He could also redeems us and live in our human  flesh. That He could save and indwell us, enabling us to continue to "incarnate" Him to the world. It scares me little, because while my actions are supposed to show Him, they often show sinful me. But also, it makes me thankful. By His incarnation, I have been given life eternal. Within me dwells God Himself! That is a truly merry Christmas!

church: a love story

Do you remember when you fell in love? You were so excited. It was all sunshine, rainbows and dreams (or so they tell me).

Have you ever considered the many parallels between long-term human relationships and your relationship with your local church? I remember when I first started attending my church—a warm place in a city where I knew nearly no one. They extended love and lunch invitations to me from day one. Soon they were my extended family. The Bible studies were insightful, the congregation caring. I was in love and our first months and years were so good—I knew this was God's chosen church for me.

I have been attending my local church for more than four years now. But one day some months ago, something unexpected happen. I found myself at my computer, googling other churches in my area. I noted the name of one that sounded like it might be good. I stopped. When did this happen? When did my love affair with my church cool off to the point that I was entertaining thoughts of leaving it? Where was the love I felt a few years ago?

My interest had jaded. At first that man's jokes were funny, but now they're just lame. I realized that one lady, well, she always does that annoying thing, and she doesn't stop. Sometimes they forget to thank me for something I've done! One unforgiven frustration compounds onto another and suddenly petty differences are a big deal.

(I should here insert that I'm not saying that there is never a time when you should leave your church. There are times when it is the right thing to move on. But as Joshua Harris says, too many of us have become church "daters" instead of having long-term relationships with our churches. We're selfish, independent and critical. The moment things don't go our way, we pout or hit the street.)

What keeps me in love with my specific, local church? It is the assurance that God has brought me to church. My church and I met over unique circumstances. I could not believe them to be coincidences. Until He gives me peace about doing otherwise, or moves me elsewhere, I continue to believe that He brought me to this community for His good reasons. Just like a marriage, I made sure the essentials were in place before I committed. My commitment is to the church "as is", not with designs on completely changing it.
 
It has become trendy to say that you "love Jesus, but don't like the church." So, what keeps me in love with the Church universal? It is the knowledge that Christ loved the Church, and that to love Christ is to love His Bride. Elizabeth Elliot says, "Love is not a sentiment. It is a fiery law: 'Thou shalt love.'" Not loving the true Church is not an option.

When I'm feeling discontent with my local body of believers, it often coincides with feeling disconnected from them, as well. I find that as I spend time with them, serve with them, grow with them, that the connection becomes stronger. When I am able to overlook my annoyances with others, and forgive, I watch our relationships put down deeper roots. Shoulder to shoulder, we build a history that we couldn't have if we switched churches every time the going got rough.

Serving your church can seem thankless. But I have been encouraged sometimes as I've looked at old photo albums of people from church. I see that twenty years ago, they were showing hospitality to the church, and they still are. The man I know to have grey hair appears with brown hair and a thick moustache, and he's serving in a different capacity, but serving heartily. I hear the stories of the man who sacrificed half of his holiday time every year to serve at camp. As I learn their history, I know that I can't be the only one who's sometimes felt overwhelmed or under-appreciated, but their stories shine as examples of faithfulness to me. Christ laid down His life for the church, so should I. They are my flesh and blood.

God hasn't brought me to my church simply to be served and happy. We all still carry sin natures, and that means that all of our interactions will not always be happy. It is through our interactions with Him and one another that He can mould each of us into His likeness. In his book Stop Dating the Church, Joshua Harris uses Spurgeon's analogy that a disconnected Christian is like a good-for-nothing brick. It can't do much alone, but as part of the building or temple that is the church, it contributes to a cause that can only be achieved through loving community.

"Going away is easy. Do you want to know what's harder? Do you want to know what takes more courage...? Join a local church and lay down your selfish desires by considering others more important than yourself. Humble yourself and acknowledge that you need other Christians. Invite them into your life. Stop complaining about what's wrong with the church, and become a part of a solution."

(Joshua Harris, Stop Dating the Church, pp. 60-61)

I can't say it any better.

on battling apathy

Crunchy leaves strewn on the sidewalk, frosty mornings, river-valley strolls and chai lattes. Autumn is here, in all its glory. As is my church's tradition, on the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend we hosted a Bible conference. It is a busy weekend, full of sermons, turkey, sunshine and conversation. 

Our speaker's chosen topic was Titus and his sermons made me uncomfortable. Truths from the Word filled pages of my journal, but more than that, they cut into my heart. Two of the key themes in Titus are sober-mindedness and good works. Truly, the two go hand in hand. All believers are taught to be "live soberly" (2:12), which means "to reserve your mind for that which is important." Once the believer's mind is reserved, what should it apply itself to? Titus teaches that "those who have believed in God should be careful to maintain good works" (3:8) and "be ready for every good work" (3:1).

What does Titus' message of sober living and good works has to say to me, at age (almost) twenty-six. Twenty-six? Even as I type that, it looks old. When I realize that it will soon be ten years since I finished high school, or five years since I started my current job, I realize that I am no spring chicken.

When seasons change, it often causes me to think about the passage of time. There are beautiful things that come with growing up. But one of the worst things about getting older is how easy it is to become complacent in areas where you were once more "zealous for good works" (2:15). You've tried something a few times, and seen no noticeable results, so you quit trying. Relationships that once thrived and seemed so central to your life cool off and disappointment ensues. It is too easy to settle for 90%. To trade prayer and Bible reading for extra sleep. To become—let's admit it—bitter. To become jaded.

I easily become complacent in my personal life.Who would have thought that I'd be battling to find time in my day for Scripture reading? This is not because I have no time, but because I expend it in other ways. I don't reserve my mind for that which is important. While I say the Word should be my meat and my lifesource, too often I'm just grabbing the lite, to-go version, with no time for digging deeper. And my prayer life? Let's not even go there. Unimportant, temporal things easily take priority over Bible reading and prayer. Am I getting old and lazy?

Sometimes helping at church feels so yesterday. After teaching quite a few years of Sunday school or designing lots of flyers, I am tempted to want to kick back and relax. I want to sleep through the early service or slough off additional responsibilities. I've done my share, right? I meet young-ish people who "used to lead youth group" or "used to teach Sunday school" but now do nothing to serve their local church (whether public or behind-the-scenes). How close am I to that in my heart some days? While it is not wrong to cut back or asses how best to use my time, sometimes my attitude is so selfish and cold.

At work, I find that my attitudes are often less than Christlike. I "pilfer" my employer's time (Titus 2:10) and answer back (2:9) instead of "adorning the doctrine of God our Savior in all things." I hang my head at how many times words have come out of my mouth that were not edifying. After a good Scripture bath and conviction, I'm reminded of how I need to improve, but too quickly I go back to blasé. The words and attitudes I see in myself at work evidence a heart in much need of a Saviour.

Some days I've been discouraged. I've seen the grey, the clouds, the dreariness. I'm not content being so apathetic, but I'm not zealous, either, and it is not comfortable on the fence. But here is the wonder  of it all: amidst my struggles, I find a merciful, gracious God who runs to meet me when I come to Him in repentance. If anyone would be justifiably jaded, it is Him, with me. Yet whenever I finally come to Him, He fans the flames of this cold heart through the very things it struggles to reserve itself for: the Word, prayer, fellowship with other believers and good, old-fashioned, hard work.

How can I battle apathy in my personal life, in my work, in my church, and in every area? First of all, I need a change of mind about my apathy, and must confess my sin to my great God and Saviour (Titus 2:13). After that, for me, the answer lies in discipline. I know that if I don't make definite choices, and follow up on them, my life will default to the path of least resistance, instead of that to which God is calling me. (I know that my mind won't be "reserved for that which is important" without a battle of supernatural proportions - cf. Eph. 6). Lists are often helpful to me, whether they are lists of tasks (to keep myself focused) or lists of priorities, so that I don't get distracted by the urgent rather than the important. Which good works does God have for me? Will I structure my life so that I can be reserved for those good works? Will I be sober-minded enough to keep the standard high? Apathy must be battled intentionally, by the power of God.

Tonight I wandered outside in the blackness. Night comes earlier now, as winter approaches. The tree in front of my house has forgotten to drop its leaves, but many others have remembered. I listened to the renewing sounds of Daylight Worship and gloried in Christ. His mercy is still available to me. He's bought me back, so that I can live a life of purpose and fulfillment. I, for one, am thankful.

why i write

Blame Elizabeth Elliot. Or Amy Carmichael. These ladies are two of the reasons why I returned to putting some of my writing online, on this blog, at the end of 2009.

Elizabeth Elliot is to me a greater "celebrity" than anyone Hollywood could ever endorse. In the summer of 2010 I met a gentleman who knew Elizabeth personally. My acquaintance's brother had been martyred decades ago along with Elizabeth's husband Jim Elliot, so their connection went way back. I enjoyed hearing an insider's view on this lady of determination and vision. What struck me, though, was when he told me that Elizabeth now suffers from dementia. "Her ministry is very limited."

Limited? It seemed strange to me, because a very articulate Elizabeth had been knocking me over the head with truth all week! I was in the middle of her book, Passion and Purity, and Elizabeth was challenging me with principles that seemed very counter-cultural, but very Scriptural. It was almost like I was talking with her: "But what about this scenario, Elizabeth? Isn't that OK?" And with the gumption of a woman who could supernaturally love her husband's murderers, she gave me firm, strong "no". As she and I "talked", I would never have known Elizabeth was ill. In her books, her message is as alive as ever. Elizabeth Elliot has discipled me through her writings.

If you have read much of my blog, you probably know that I also admire Amy Carmichael. Amy Carmichael and I are not contemporaries. She died in 1951 and lived on continents I have never visited (yet!). When I read Elizabeth Elliot's account of Amy's life, A Chance to Die, my life was powerfully impacted. But how do we know so much about the life and ministry of a woman who ministered in a land so far from me or Elizabeth? You already know. Because she wrote. And wrote. Letters, poems, books. While many others may have ministered in India at the same time, none other has gone on a road trip with me or helped me question how I live life. Amy has challenged me to the core. She has done this through writing.

In this era of information-overload and 140-character tweets, where even the family pet has a blog or a Facebook profile, why write? Isn't everyone else already doing it? Don't so many people do it better? This is why I write: because through writing, the lessons God teaches me can live on, even when my dust returns to dust. I will never be as widely-read as these ladies. But if something inside of me must write, perhaps it is because God knows that someone, someday, must read. 

Image: A scrap from Jim Elliot's journal. (Click to see source).

christian freedom

"Here in the West...we keep all the rules, even a few we made up." So goes Derek Webb's Rich Young Ruler song as it reviews Western Christianity. Those "made up" rules of Christianity are something that I have been sifting through almost since I left Bible school at age eighteen and had to make decisions for myself about what I would and would not do. By "made up" rules, I mean those rules that dictate areas on which the Bible is fairly silent.

As I've gotten to know Christians of different backgrounds, persuasions and cultures, I have seen a wide range of rules and practices. My question is always this one: what does Scripture really teach, and what is culture, legalism or caution? I want to be clear in my thinking as to what is non-negotiable (taught clearly in Scripture) and what may be cultural or personal (ie: an additional guideline that I have for myself or my family that may keep us from sin).

If you've been in conservative Christian circles for any amount of time, you could probably name some rules quite readily. They deal with our personal practice or sometimes church practice as well. Some Christians dance but don't drink. Others drink, but don't dance. Some do both. Some do neither. Most are sure they're right! The list goes on and on.

I recognize that a lot of "made up" rules have come about for good reasons. Frederick Wood says in a booklet called Questionable Amusements, "the marathon would not be run in an overcoat unless it happened to be an obstacle race." Many of the things that Christians have abstained from in generations past have been seen as hindrance to running the Christian race (Heb. 12:1). So, some of our rules protect us from sin and temptation, even if they draw the boundaries a bit tighter than the Word itself does. The problem comes when we insist that other believers must follow our personal practices in areas of freedom.

As I've puzzled over this, I've asked questions: What is the real goal in discipleship? To train believers to understand and be obedient to Scripture. How do we get there? They must learn to study and understand the Word of God for themselves. What happens when they do study the Word? They may realize that some Christian rules or practices, though not harmful, are (gasp!) more cultural than Scriptural. But what was the real goal, again? To see them building lives based on God's Word—not based on Christian culture. (Or was it?)

Too often my concern in discipleship is to create a believer who thinks and lives like I do—even in the grey areas—rather than to build up a believer who can defend his choices with sola Scriptura. I sell the next generation of believers short when I want to offer them a well-packaged, cookie-cutter Christianity where everyone looks and acts the same as me. I want new believers to know the joy of being taught by the Spirit as they learn to interpret Scripture properly. I want them to know the wonder of grace, not the clanking chains of my legalism. I want them to be freed and constrained by the Spirit, not by Julie. (Or do I?)

When we equate our additional, extra-Scriptural rules for Christian living to what the Word of God has said, we are on dangerous ground. We are going beyond our bounds as teachers of God's Word. We're being Pharisees, wrapping the living, vibrant message of the gospel in stagnant rules and regulations. Yet in conservative Christian circles, this happens all the time.

A parent must tremble when the day comes for his son or daughter to leave home and start making all of his or her own decisions. But I've heard that for the Christian parent, prayers heighten when a child leaves the nest. There is a parallel as we build up baby believers, preparing them to "leave the nest" and go on to make new disciples. As we give them the tools to "leave home" by studying, interpreting and applying Scripture, we also give them the freedom to potentially live their lives somewhat differently than we would. Sometimes we tremble with fear, but we must let them go on. As we face this stage, we would better spend our time on our knees in prayer than engaging in heated arguments with newer believers about areas of freedom.

This is my vision for Western Christianity, not that we base our fellowship with others on "made up rules," but on adherence to what is clear in the Scriptures. There is so much that is clear and is being misunderstood that it is a wonder that we find so much time to emphasize the "freedom" areas. I have chosen to abstain from certain things that other Christians might consider quite alright, and the inverse is also true. I want to make my choices with a clear conscience before God and for the right reasons. I want to be firm and sure about what the Scipture mandates and what is just a "made up" rule. How we need a powerful, constant renewal from God's Word and Spirit to keep balanced, lest we miss "the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ." (2 Cor.11:3)

deep suffering, deeper joy

In my city's downtown core there's a Brazilian couple living in a small apartment. They're like a lot of other newcomers to Canada in many ways: they don't own a car, they want to perfect their English, they're confused by some Canadian customs, and they miss their home country. Surely most newcomers face their share of hardships—just one winter in this city without your own vehicle might qualify as hardship—but not like Marcos and Janice.

If I were to explain to you their struggles, it would be convoluted or boring. (I've typed and retyped this, wondering how to be concise). Serious health problems afflict both of them, but especially Marcos, who lost vision in one eye last year due to a work accident. Because Marcos can no longer work, their financial situation is difficult, too.

OK, so I know two immigrants who have had a hard year. Why does this merit a blog post? Because Marcos and Janice show incredible joy in the face suffering. To visit with them is to come away encouraged and hopeful. Not because Marcos' vision has miraculously returned or because Workers Compensation Board recalled their decision to cut his insurance payments, but because they continually are reminding themselves and others of ultimate truth.

The true Christ-follower is ever learning to look at life through a Biblical lens. He doesn't live in an airy plane full of gumdrops and rainbows, where the struggles of life are played down or disregarded. No, he looks squarely at life as it really is for a fallen human. But when a Christian looks at reality, he doesn't bow down in the ditch and give up hope, either. He focuses his mind on the truth, revealed through God's Word, and finds the hope to live another day. He looks at life on earth through the lens of Heaven.

The prophet Jeremiah did this. He wrote, in Lamentations 3: "I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me." Jeremiah acknowledged the reality of his situation, and his hurt. "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' Jeremiah filled his mind with truth, and spoke truth to himself, so that he would not wallow in despair.

Marcos and Janice embody true Christianity to me. They tell me stories of near-death incidents or financial trials. Surely these two have been through more serious health problems in one or two years than most people face in twenty or thirty. But their stories are always prefaced, interspersed and concluded with remembrances of the goodness of God. The way their tales flow so naturally from sharing their struggles to meditating on God's mercy shows that they are truly learning, like Jeremiah, to call truth to mind.

When Christians suffer in a godly way, it brings praise to God and deep joy (I Peter 1). Seeing this in action is truly remarkable. Yes, worthy of breaking the silence and composing another blog post.

leviticus 18

This year I am teaching my Sunday school class from the "Exodus to Canaan" portions of Scripture. The Israelites were coming out of Egypt and going into Canaan, but God instructed them not to be like either of those nations.

While this passage was written to the nation of Israel, the same principle of being God's holy, separate people applies to believers in the current church age as well (I Peter 2:9). Too often I find myself thinking or behaving more like Egypt or Canaan than like one of God's own. The only people on earth with whom I should be able to truly identify are the people of God. In, but not of. A lesson it takes a lifetime to learn.

food and the Christian

For some time now I have been wanting to study the theme of food in the Scriptures. I call this my theology of food. Life and Scripture are both full of eating and drinking. I think that to trace those themes would be a profitable study. But for now the ideas are just collecting and simmering, encouraged by books like Edith Schaeffer's Hidden Art (of Homemaking). This homemaker classic gives a Biblical perspective on how Christian women can make their homes places of creativity and art. Framing everything Biblically, Schaeffer details how the everyday tasks of cooking and eating serve greater purposes.

What follows are a few things I learned while reading Hidden Art.

• The variety and diversity of foods available on earth echoes the creativity and care of God. We should richly enjoy what He has given (without making it an idol, of course).
• The kitchen is an artist's studio and meals should show imagination! Schaeffer writes "Food should...give variety and interest to meals... Meals should be a surprise, and should show imagination." When a cook considers the plate her canvas, "not only does this give interest, atmosphere and pleasure to the meal, but it gives dignity and fulfillment to the one who prepared it."
• Children can learn many important life lessons in the kitchen: lessons about working, cooking, taking time to care for and help others and sharing with strangers.
• Shared kitchens and meals open avenues to deeper communication and meet not only physical needs but deeper, inner needs as well. "The kitchen should be an interesting room in which communication takes place between child and mother and also among adults. It should be interesting in the same way as is an artist's studio, as well as being a cosy spot in which to have a cup of tea while something is being watched or stirred, or while waiting to take something out of the oven." "Meals...should always be more than just food. Relaxation, communication and a measure of beauty and pleasure should be part of even the shortest of meal breaks.... Food cannot take care of spiritual, psychological and emotional problems, but the feeling of being loved and cared for, the actual comfort of the beauty and flavour of food, the increase of blood sugar and physical well-being, help one to go on...better equipped to meet the problems.... The cook in the home has opportunity to be doing something very real in the area of making good human relationships." 
• The fact that Jesus speaks of coming in and eating with the person who opens the door to Him "is a promise of communication which is very close and special." The Lord wants such a relationship with each of us.

As Christians we have much to enjoy with food. His Word gives purpose and direction to quotidian areas of life. We should see this art as an opportunity to be good stewards (not wasteful), caring, sharing—to be creative, fulfilled ministers of Christ through food!

come what may: contentment

The following definitions of "contentment" have blessed my soul in the past months.
From Jeremiah Burroughs in The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment:

Contentment is "that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God's wise and fatherly disposal of every condition."

From Arthur Pink:

"Contentment, then, is the product of a heart resting in God. It is the soul's enjoyment of that peace that passes all understanding. It is the outcome of my will being brought into subjection to the Divine will. It is the blessed assurance that God does all things well, and is, even now, making all things work together for my ultimate good."

From Martyn-Lloyd Jones:

"Man's happiness was never meant to be determined by his circumstances, and that is the fatal blunder that we all tend to make... Man's happiness depends on one thing only—and that is his relationship to God! ...We cannot get it anywhere else. We must come back to the soul and to God who made it. We were made for him, we are meant for him, we have a  correspondence with him, and we will never come to rest until, like that needle on the compass, we strike that northern point, and there we come to rest—nowhere else." 

I could likely read these words daily and be instructed every time. Barbara Mouser writes that from God's point of view, "the height of femininity" is a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Gentle: that is, meek, under authority, not rebellious or contentious. Quiet: that is, full of faith, not troubled, upset or fearful. In a word, the woman of God is content. Resting. Gracious. Quiet. Sweet. Her soul is anchored in Christ (Heb. 6:19) amid the storms of life. She is content because her joy depends on the Lord, and on Him only. Is my heart a restful and orderly place, a gentle and quiet corner that reflects contentment in Christ?

(Contentment quotes found in Holding Hands, Holding Hearts by R. & S. Phillips)

respecting men

Men in this world have it hard. Women trample all over them. They mock men, use men, nag men, trounce men. Women complain: men are too rough or too sensitive, too controlling or inattentive, too lazy or work too many hours. According to women, men can never do anything right. When they are praised, it is for women's selfish gain, a sort of underhanded flattery. I watch the attitudes in the world—and unfortunately, the sinful attitudes of my own fallen heart—and I know this is true. True disaster. Human wisdom leaves us with a world full of dissatisfied, selfish women and men who jump only as high as the standard women have erected for them: low, very low.

God's wisdom, on the other hand, is the absolute opposite of human wisdom. Scripture's standards are high but so is the joy and satisfaction when one learns to live according to God's design. In my writings I generally only focus on the role of the woman, so here it is: "...let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33).

What exactly does respect look like? Today I stumbled across a blog post which relates how the Amplified Bible seeks to expand the term respect from Ephesians 5:33. This helped me to see respect in a fresh way:
"...let the wife see that she
respects and reverences her husband
that she notices him,
regards him,
honors him,
prefers him,
venerates, and
esteems him; and
that she defers to him,
praises him, and
loves and admires him exceedingly.

What man would not want to receive such respect?

A godly woman does not respect a man only when he deserves it or because he is perfect. She reverences him because it is the commandment of God. But the beautiful surprise that sometimes (often?!) comes when a woman reverences a man is this: men thrive into "more respectable" men when they are esteemed and encouraged. The woman who waits to respect a man once he deserves it may never find her man respectable. When we live according to God's design, we begin to realize how well His plan for the genders works.

1 Peter 3 contains one of my favourite passages on Biblical womanhood; I can return to it and learn every time. 1 Peter 3:1-2 (NKJV) says "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear."

Again, here is the Amplified Bible's version of verse 2:
"When [your husbands] observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves,
together with your reverence
[for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes:
to respect, 
defer to,
revere him--
to honor,
esteem, 
appreciate, 
prize, and,
in the human sense, to adore him,
that is, to admire, 
praise, 
be devoted to, 
deeply love, and
enjoy your husband]."

Even as a single woman, I have seen how showing respect in the relationships I have with [saved or unsaved] men can encourage men to live out their roles, too. True, these passages specifically speak of respect within marriage. But I believe I have seen men in my life grow as I simply seek to apply simple principles of respect, along the lines of Romans 12:3,10: "For I say...to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly...Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another...."

The wise woman of God who overlooks offenses, humbles herself, and encourages and esteems men in ways appropriate given her relationship to those men. She reveres man out of reverence for Christ. It is a high calling, a difficult calling—but there is no greater joy than to live according to God's design!

the value of being predictable

"He's so predictable," my brother said.

"Yes, he really is." I chuckled just at the thought of our friend. His responses and attitudes are almost calculable. Silly guy, I thought.

Then my brother told me that I'm predictable. I didn't find that as funny. "No, I'm not!"

After chafing over my brother's comment, I began to realize the value of being predictable, in a character sense. Predictably upright, not predictably boring! When people make foul jokes, do they know that I will not laugh? When they are getting wasted at the Christmas party, do they remember that I always leave early in my right mind? Does my boss trust me with the company credit card, the important password, the big secret...without a qualm? The other day my coworker had a laughing fit because it sounded like I cursed, and she knows that I never curse, so it was funny to her, because it was so out-of-the-ordinary.

It is impressive to me to meet people whose characters are undeniably predictable, so that they are recommended wholeheartedly. Joseph and Daniel are two Biblical characters who stand out as men who were predictably holy. The epistles often contain references to individuals who are either commended or warned against. Paul's words about Timothy in Philippians 2 indicate a complete trust in Timothy's character: "I have no one else like him, who will show genuine concern for your welfare. For everyone looks out for their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know that Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel."

I like fun—but I want to be predictably holy.

not random

It has come to my attention that using the word "random" as I do is inconsistent with my worldview. I can explain.

I don't remember exactly when I started peppering my conversations with the word “random”—likely around the same time most other people my age did. But I now realize that it is time for me to retake that word and use it correctly. Because this is what I've found myself saying:

• "Remember the random girl I told you about who came to Bible study?"
• "This weekend we randomly had my landlord in for lunch."
• "Last night in the park a random guy spoke to me for half an hour."

Word choice might seem like a small thing, but I realize that by claiming that so many things or people in my life “have no specific pattern, purpose, or objective” denies my very worldview. I believe that God patterns, plans and arranges things after the purpose of His will. I love to know that He is a God of the details, and I truly believe that He orchestrates blessings of any size, whether a sale item at Goodwill or meeting your life partner.

That "random" girl at Bible study was a huge encouragement to me; she reminded me of the goodness of God in the midst of trials. God placed her at our Bible study—perhaps among other purposes—to encourage and instruct my heart. Who knows how my brother's lunch invitation to the landlord might have met a need in that man's life? I learned a lesson from my talk with the stranger in the park, and maybe he just needed to meet someone who was praying on a blanket, someone who seemed a little too interested in the Bible.

So here's to a vocabulary cleansing. Word choice really is important. Words matter to God, they should matter to us.

And here's to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of history. There's nothing random about Him. "The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations. (Psalm 33:11)

try a little tenderness

I don't meet a lot of six-foot women. Even from a distance, the blond stranger I met this summer conveyed an air of confidence. Standing next to a bonfire, listening to her speak, it didn't take me long to notice that she was a very hard woman. Cursing, she spoke of how she uses her womanly charm to help her with business deals with men. She flippantly discussed her divorce and the dating game. From what I later learned, she had just left her controlling, live-in, alcoholic boyfriend. My heart grieved for her. A woman of the world, covering up her hurt with a hard facade. Or so I thought.

Around the bonfire, people shifted, and most went to play Frisbee. A few of us were left and I began to ask the blond lady—who I learned was 30 years old—about her about her life and travels. It didn't take long to discover that she'd attended Bible school for a few years. Her younger days were full of missions trips and her parents were graduates of the same Bible school as she. This woman knew much more Scripture than I ever would have imagined.

It struck me: this could be me. This domineering woman grew up in a Christian family, did the Bible school scene, and married a purportedly Christian man. But less than a decade later, this woman stands so hardened that I thought she never knew what Biblical womanhood was. It was a sobering reminder to me of the importance of keeping close to the Saviour, and it got me thinking about this: if the world's woman is hard, what is God's woman like?

From general and specific revelation I gather that women were created to show tenderness. This is seen in woman no matter if she is redeemed or not—even our bodies and voices were created softer than men's. But in the redeemed woman, God develops that "gentle and quiet spirit" which He so values (I Peter 3:4). Alistair Begg says: "Women don’t have the exclusive ownership of the characteristic of kindness, but often they do a much better job in expressing compassion than most men. If you think about it, women that have marked our lives have often marked our thinking on account of their tenderness."

Oh—to reflect our humble, gentle Saviour in a way that is womanly! Don't let the world's scorn undermine your godly desire to be tender toward the Lord and others. Cultivate tender-heartedness (Eph. 4:32, I Pe. 3:8).Value the vulnerability and purity of holy marriage as an exclusive expression of that tenderness. Don't think you're beyond becoming a hardened woman. The blond wasn't, and neither are we. Just on the other side of the glorious gospel there is a cutting, brazen, hardened woman who could be me, or could be you, if we lose sight of tender Jesus. So help us God!

a good reminder: check your motives!

"fashions with a Christian colouring" vs. the simplicity of Christ

I recently found this striking quote from C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters. I have not read Lewis' book, but it is a satire in which a demon is training an apprentice demon. Here, the demon speaks to his apprentice:

"What we want, if men become Christians at all, is to keep them in the state of mind I call 'Christianity And.' You know--Christianity and the Crisis, Christianity and the New Psychology...Christianity and Faith Healing...Christianity and Vegetarianism.... If they must be Christians let them at least be Christians with a difference. Substitute for the faith itself some Fashion with a Christian colouring.... The use of Fashions in thought is to distract the attention of men from their real dangers.... The game is to have them all running about with fire extinguishers whenever there is a flood, and all crowding to that side of the boat which is already nearly gunwale under.... Of a proposed course of action [God] wants men, so far as I can see, to ask very simple questions; is it righteous? is it prudent? is it possible? Now if we can keep men asking 'Is it in accordance with the general movement of our time? Is it progressive or reactionary? Is this the way that History is going?' they will neglect the relevant questions.... As a result, while their minds are buzzing in this vacuum, we have the better chance to slip in and bend them to the action we have decided on. And great work has already been done."

Lewis wrote to issue a warning to the church: are you asking the wrong questions? Is your faith in Christ or in "Christ and..."? I fear that much of evangelicalism is "buzzing in this vacuum" of truth neglect. We weaken the dynamite of the gospel and Christ with our supposedly-spiritual trappings. We're picking out curtain colours for the sanctuary, unaware that the foundation of the church itself is being blasted out from beneath us because it stands not on Christ, but on human ideas.

In How People Change Tripp and Lane describe some typical ways in which believers are distracted from the "simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ" (2 Cor. 11:3). These are some "fashions with a Christian colouring":

• Formalism - the gospel is reduced to participation in the meetings and ministries of the church
• Legalism - "another gospel", where salvation is earned by keeping the rules we've established
• Mysticism - the gospel is reduced to dynamic emotional and spiritual experiences
• Activism - the gospel is reduced to participation in Christian causes (ie: pro-life cause)
• Biblicism - the gospel is reduced to a mastery of Biblical content and theology
• Psychology-ism - the gospel is reduced to the healing of emotional needs
• Social-ism - the gospel reduced to a network of fulfilling relationships

This list has been helpful to me as God has shown me that my Christianity is sometimes veiled in formalism and Biblicism rather than a vibrant relationship with Christ Himself. I need to those "very simple questions" that God asks, like, "Is it righteous?" "Does it reflect the mind of Christ?" "Is it holy?" When we get distracted from the centre, which is Christ, we ask all the wrong questions, and the life is gone. Solus Christus, sola Scriptura—too simple? I'm finding it to be richer and deeper than ever.

my hero

I spent many of my nearly 25 years looking for a hero. Yes, "I need a hero...He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast...He's gotta be sure...and he's gotta be larger than life." [Insert cheesy Bonnie Tyler I Need a Hero song here].



And you know, "he" didn't even have to be a "he." Sure, a boyfriend would have been (and still would be) nice, but essentially I remember beginning to long for deep peer friendships during my teenage years. Spiritual friendships, where we could talk about God's Word and grow together. I wanted friends who would love, challenge and encourage me, based on Truth. This was not something that I found readily in my high school years, but that meant that God had opportunity to speak to me. On quiet nights in my blue-walled bedroom, He taught me that He wanted to be my closest friend. He was enough!

Even so, God created me to be in fellowship with other humans, and as the years have passed He has graciously brought me into close relationships with individuals and families whom I admire. As I watch them live, I am a sponge, soaking up wisdom and grace. We talk about Jesus at breakfast, lunch or supper and it is completely normal. I love to see them living lives that are worshipful and obedient to their Creator. I love to be with them and learn from them.

But what I have seen happen, sometimes, is that I worship the gifts instead of the Giver. Like the Israelites, who forgot their Provider once they reached His good land, I easily lose my focus. God has had to show me that I cannot depend on my friends' spirituality. In some cases, He accomplished this by showing me that my friends and their families were no more perfect than myself and my family. Suddenly I saw that they were fallible humans—like me. This was a painful discovery. God also did this by physically "taking away my Elijahs." Oswald Chambers writes:

"It is not wrong to depend upon Elijah as long as God gives him to you, but remember the time will come when he will have to go; when he stands no more to your as your guide and leader, because God does not intend he should. You say—'I cannot go on without Elijah.' God says you must." (My Utmost, August 11)

God knew that I demanded to see godliness enacted—I wanted a visible human model to follow. When making decisions, I wanted an Elijah to spoon-feed advice to me—I didn't want to have to search the Scriptures and spend time in prayer. Idolatry? I'd say. God wanted me to get my focus back on Him, so He graciously toppled my idols.

Here is the wonder—once my idols were removed, Someone much more satisfying came to the fore. God began to take His place as Hero again. No human friendship would ever satisfy! If my hope is in humans (even godly ones) my heart will yo-yo from happiness to disappointment, based on their performance. I will seek to manipulate and use them to meet my desires, instead of showing them the grace and freedom God has shown to me. But if I esteem Christ as the only lasting Hero, I can gratefully enjoy deep human friendships and yet source my security and joy in my relationship with Christ. I call this change "the fall of my human heroes and the rise of the one, true Hero." He is "strong, fast, sure and larger than life!" To quote another song from the '80s/Footloose, "let's hear it for The Boy!" He is my everything!

oswald chambers & "devotion to God Himself"

Last Christmas I received a copy of Oswald Chambers' classic devotional, My Utmost for His Highest. For years I neglected many devotional writings, perhaps due to a bad taste left in my mouth after trite, too-simple or poorly-written devotionals I'd come across growing up. But what depth I have found in the collections of the writings of saints like A.W. Tozer and now Oswald Chambers! These anthologies indeed are worthy to bear the name "Christian literature." My experience in the last few months of reading Chambers has been transformational, and the book's introduction, by Richard C. Halverson, sums up why.
He says:

"In Chambers I am constantly being reminded that the ground of faith and experience is the person of Jesus Christ....the basis of faith is always Jesus Christ himself. Through the years Chambers has kept me on course by bringing me back to Jesus. Believing Jesus, not just believing my beliefs about Jesus, is basic."

I have collected some brief quotations from the daily readings which echo this basic theme that runs through Chambers' texts. It is about Jesus Himself--believing Him, being devoted to Him. 

• "When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him.... 'Believe also in Me,' said Jesus, not--'Believe certain things about Me.'" (Apr 29)
• "A man with the vision of God is not devoted to a cause or to any particular issue; he is devoted to God Himself." (May 2)
• "My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace, nor even blessing, but Himself, my God." (July 12)
• "The soul is in danger when knowledge of doctrine outsteps intimate touch with Jesus." (Aug 16)
• "Are you more devoted to your idea of what Jesus wants than to Himself?" (Aug 18)

Chambers says the same thing in so many ways. The message never gets old or passé. I am encouraged to seek a fresh, vibrant relationship with Jesus. To truly know Him, not just know things about Him. Through the story of Jesus walking on the water, I am reminded that it is enough "that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea" (July 28). As I realize how destitute I am without Christ, He is speaking to me in a way that is deeper and richer. My demands of Him are silenced in the presence of His Person. My God-given desires and goals play second fiddle to God Himself. I need devotion to Christ, pure and simple (2 Cor. 11:3).

Have you read this classic yet? My Utmost for His Highest--always best read with granola, yogurt and sunshine. Original English version available here or modern English version available here.

"we died before we came here"

While working in India, Amy Carmichael received a letter asking what missionary life was like. I wonder if the young lady sending the question wanted exotic stories. Elephant rides, jeweled children, bright colours. Amy wrote back honestly: "Missionary life is simply a chance to die." It was from this statement that Elizabeth Elliot took the title of her book about Carmichael's life and ministry.

Recently my mom passed along the following story. "A ship captain tried to dissuade James Calvert, [an] early missionary to the New Hebrides, from going ashore by saying, 'You will lose your life and the lives of those with you if you go among the cannibals of these islands.'" Calvert's stoic reply blows me away: “We died before we came here.” Another new missionary to the same area was also warned as to his possible destiny. His response? “In the resurrection it will make no difference to me whether I am eaten by cannibals (on the mission field) or by worms (at home).”

The zeal and discipline of these missionaries puts me to shame. But the "death" of which they speak is not just for missionaries. Every believer must die to self if he is to be productive for Christ. "...Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds" (John 12:24). As Addison Leitch said, "When the will of God crosses the will of man, somebody has to die." Elizabeth Elliot writes, "Life requires countless 'little' deaths--occasions when we are given the chance to say no to self and yes to God." At each crossroads, big or small, I want to say with unquestioning allegiance, "I died before I came here." In death we find life abundant.

learning to receive

It was the kind of day for which ice cream must have been invented: blistering hot. Walking into an ice cream shop with some younger people, I asked each of them choose a treat and offered to pay for their snack. All but one accepted my offer fairly easily. The last one held her head high and said "I am too proud to let you buy ice cream for me." I was a bit shocked. Finally she allowed me to purchase her little treat, but not without a struggle. I was frustrated that she would so valiantly try to thwart a small effort to share with her--I felt that she sought to rob my blessing as a giver.

Only days later, I was cornered by a fellow believer who wanted to share a generous gift with me. He knew of a specific need that I had and wanted to fill it. Backing away, I explained that I'd just received a surprise sum of money from my employer that would cover the extra expense. He insisted. With the image of aforementioned proud teenager in my head, I took his gift and thanked him for it. Smiling, he thanked me for my willingness to allow him to share. I am not sure if I had ever before been thanked for receiving, but after the previous week's incident, I could suddenly relate.

At the risk of sounding mooch-like, I will say that some believers could use some instruction on receiving. Christianity teaches generosity. This is Christ-like and it is an attitude to be commended. But if we would train cheerful givers, we should also be ready to (at least occasionally) be thankful receivers.

Granted, our fallen condition makes us much more likely to want to take than to give. I am certain that we must spend much more time learning to give and share than learning to receive. (When I talk to small children after Christmas, rather than asking the typical "What did you get for Christmas?" I try to ask "What did you give this Christmas?") But somehow in our efforts to teach self-sacrifice, generosity and humility (noble efforts!) sometimes we don't notice that our children become adults unwilling to ever accept a gift or a favour.

Maybe you already have everything you really need. In North America, that is often the case. But who is to say that you have to keep the gift you are given? The early chapters of Acts speak of the early church having all things in common. Their sharing and generosity has been an example for Christians in following generations. We can accept freely, and give freely as well. All that believers have is really Christ's, anyway.

I don't speak as though have a handle on this. I thought I had learned my lesson about letting others give to me, but last Christmas brought a few more I-don't-think-I-should-be-receiving-this moments. There was one moment in particular, when I was handed a cheque. It was for a service that I had given, to a ministry, free of charge, and it was difficult to accept payment for it. I'll admit, I argued with the givers. I was not a very gracious receiver this time. But I've watched the disappointment on Christ-filled people's faces when they want to share and are not permitted. Doesn't Christ give us with a desire to share? Why allow our pride to steal someone else's joy? So I thanked them for the gift. (They don't need to know if I pass it on).

surrender

I don't remember the exact circumstances in which I wrote the poem that I'm posting below. I know they weren't easy. Today as I saw these short sentences hanging on my bulletin board, I realized that it sums up what is happening to me yet again. God is sifting, testing, challenging me. Am I really willing to count everything a loss compared to knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord? Jesus' words to Peter in John 21 echo in my ears, over and over again: "What is that to you? You follow me."

Elizabeth Elliot quotes Lilias Trotter in one of her books:

"So long as our idea of surrender is limited to the renouncing of unlawful things, we have never grasped the its true meaning: that is not worthy of the name for "no polluted thing" can be offered.
The life lost on the Cross was not a sinful one--the treasure poured forth there was God-given, God-blessed treasure, lawful and right to be kept: only that there was the life of the world at stake."

What God asks me to give up may not be inherently sinful or wrong. What is important is that He asks it of me. Will I give it to Him who gave all for me? Am I content to offer Jesus easy things, things that have cost me nothing? Or do I want what He wants, no matter the cost?


-----------------

it's

it's the dying of a dream

the killing of a heart

the stealing of a hope and

i only understand in part.

it's the test of my sincerity

an exam on what i've learned

a measure of my sanctity

will my heart be truly turned?

it's up-showing my own wisdom

replacing my own strength

pushing out my human love for

one that knows no length

it's taking me much deeper

it's pulling me far in

it's ridding me of yesterdays

it's purging me of sin.

2007

let your single years not be a wasteland

In recent years I have spent a lot of time with single people (surprising, I know, since I am also single). Observing this subset of our Christian culture, I began to notice that some singles seem to allow those years of their lives, whether five, ten or fifteen years, to fall into an abyss of wasted time. This concerns me, because while our culture may teach us to while away our youth, this is not God's attitude toward time. As I've read, lived and observed my own attitudes and those of some I know, there are a few areas (with some overlap) where we would do well to learn while we are still single.

Roles: Learn what it means to be a woman and operate within your role even as a single. Kick the feminist attitudes that are so common in our culture and learn the Bible's view of woman. The Bible indicates that your role will be more home-related than your husband's. Your single years are probably years with less home responsibility, but it is also a good time to learn to serve. My brother and I live together and I think we could say it is "fair" that all tasks in our home be divided up 50/50, just like the rent. Even so, I realize that some ways of serving come much more naturally to me than to a man, and at times I've purposely tried to serve in ways that aren't necessarily expected or required in a situation like our own...simply because I am a woman.

Relationships: Singleness can teach an independent and calloused "I-don't-need-a-man" attitude. Living on your own can be too convenient, too controlled, too your-way...which is not good preparation for service or for living in close quarters with anyone! Learn to expose yourself to people with whom you don't see eye-to-eye and people who rub you the wrong way. Padding your life with people who think exactly as you do might seem comfortable but it short-changes you by giving you less opportunity for growth.

Reality: Our single years can be rich in that they prepare us with a deeper grounding in reality about ourselves, the opposite sex, marriage and God. In relation to ourselves, God can prepare our hearts to have an attitude of utter humility --"I am the worst sinner I know." Often single women have wrong views of marriage and men. Pining for marriage, which God hasn't given to you yet, can sometimes be put to rest by spending a few days with your friends' sick toddlers. Or, try turning your head a few degrees and you'll probably find a divorcee, a widow or an infertile friend. In a sinful world, life at any stage is not without its struggles, and marriage is no fix-all. Lastly, as singles we have time to get to know God on a deep level. God is our ultimate reality and in knowing Him we find hope for the reality about everything else.

Responsibility: Singles shouldn't shirk responsibility, but learn to shoulder it, grown-up style. Our single years allow us to serve our church, community or family in ways that may not be possible when we have other responsibilities. Also, it is easy for young singles to fall into a luxurious "me-first" spending mentality, and it is important to learn to be responsible in money management. Even among Christians, I find that singles are almost "allowed" to be a bit immature or irresponsible. This isn't God's allowance.

As Christian singles contemplate marriage, we often set our spouse ideals fairly high, and rightly so. But as we redeem our single years, we can let them not be a wasteland, but years spent becoming a person who would be ideal, as well. Set the bar for yourself higher than your culture, even your Christian culture, sets it. Try "be ye holy, as I am holy." That should keep you busy for the rest of your life!

And should the Lord never give us any marriage but to Himself? We will bless Him still. Our time will not be wasted, either way.

"but did you see the sky in the east?"

The couch is awfully comfy, especially on cold mornings. One morning this winter, as I wrestled myself out the door, I posted on Facebook: "Julie needs a warm heart for this cold, dark morning." I walked to work, in the chill.

That evening, when I came home, I noticed a comment that a friend had made in reply to mine. She said, "But did you see the sky in the east?" When I was feeling the gloom of a cold, winter morning, Joanne was warm inside because she had a different view. When I go to work, I head west. On days when I walk or bike, I don't even have a "rear view" of what's behind me, I just see what's ahead. It wasn't that I couldn't have seen the sunrise, it was just that I didn't turn my head.

It made me wonder how often my life is like this. I'm trudging under a cloud, but if I would just turn, I would see the wonderful plan of God in every moment. Are you weary? Did you see the sky in the east? Not far from your self-centred viewpoint is the eastern sky. There's always hope, it just isn't always right in front of you.

tandoori chicken and worldview changes

Roots. Fruits. What's the difference, and what's the connection? Recently I was shown a tree diagram with a person's worldview as the hidden roots and his culture as the visible part of the tree. Assumptions, values and allegiances made up the worldview, while behaviour, attitudes, commitments and beliefs stemmed from the worldview, forming the person's culture. The tree looked something like this:


The tree was shown in the context of missions, and the question was asked "What problems happen when changes only take place on a cultural level and not in a person's worldview?" This question has to bear on the telling of the good news. Those taking God's message into pagan cultures have seen the problem of syncretism when people add new behaviours or practices to their old worldview. The message has no real roots, and trials and testings evidence how shallow the supposed "new belief system" really is. I understand this concept as it relates to missions.

But then I realized that I'm a syncretist, too.

Each of my sinful fruits evidences a problem in my spiritual roots--in my worldview. I keep falling back on a human, carnal view of life, which leads to sinful living. My sins in my attitudes, behaviour, expectations and commitments stem from a false worldview. For example, I see in myself attitudes like selfishness, resentment and disappointment. I need to get to the root of those issues and discover what my false assumptions and values are. God's Word and Spirit must continually wash and renew my mind.

As I thought about a current set of sins that I am struggling with, I realized that it wasn't too difficult to spot the false roots. For example, I have valued human relationships over my relationship with God. This has shown itself in a craving for human attention at the expense of fostering a deeper relationship with Christ. I've made good human relationships a false saviour and God wants to change my worldview. He wants me to realize that He is all I need.

Are you wondering where the tandoori chicken comes into this? Well, this lesson was further illustrated to me as I made tandoori chicken recently. I've been a bit bored with same-old groceries and cooking, and wanted to try something different. Marinated in a deep red Indian spice mix, the chicken thighs I prepared took on the intense colour for which India is known. But as I later ate the chicken, I realized that inside, it looked just like any other chicken. The outside was doused in the spices, but the inside not visibly affected.

I wondered, is this me? An intensely Christian exterior with an inconsistent interior?

Changes in culture are easier to observe than changes in worldview, and we like statistics. Therefore, we look for those culture changes in ourselves and others. New beliefs, new practices. A raised hand, a filled-out commitment card. We have churches of deep red tandoori chickens. We buy Christian books, go to Christian concerts and post Bible verses in our Facebook statuses. Our outsides look like the real deal. But I wonder, when you poke us, what juices you will find? When we're cut, what does our flesh show? Are we soaked to the bone in Him? What do trials and persecution bring out of us? Are we as transformed as we think we are?

God's goal is that we would be "fully pleasing Him" (Col. 1:10). Fully pleasing to Him. He doesn't just want to see a Christian culture, He wants to see a Christian worldview. He wants to transform my assumptions, my values and my allegiance. Where necessary, a changed culture will flow from a changed heart. But let us never assume that a changed culture proves a thorough uprooting of false assumptions.

seasons of life

I'm making excuses to be on the porch swing. The sunshine is beautiful and warm today, beating on my bare shoulders, filtering through my sunglasses. After months of cold and snow, summer is a welcome change, a beautiful relief. I'm loving it.

Growing up in northern Brazil, summer was year-round. I loved warm weather, but, with the exception of a few winters spent in Canada, I didn't have a lot to compare it to. My appreciation of warmth wasn't nearly as deep as it is now. I welcomed it, but now I stand up and applaud. I sigh; I sing; I update my Facebook status. Short winter nights have turned into long, summer days with sunshine to spare. Brown grass is giving way to green. This new season brings a much-welcomed change.

Life is full of seasons, too. I've begun to realize that my appreciation of the most pleasant seasons is deepened only by knowing something different. Peaks seem higher after valleys. Duller days are a foil for the gorgeous ones. In my life I have been blessed beyond measure, but I don't think I realize it fully until I have something else to compare to. "You never know what you've got until it's gone."

For example, I enjoyed the years of my life spent in "full time ministry", where my daily work was visibly spreading God's Word. Now I work a job that seems less spiritual. This occupation is enjoyable too, but in a different way. How is producing a road builder's rate guide furthering God's work? I know it is, in a way, if I am sanctifying the Lord in my heart. Bible curriculum development and teaching is squished into evenings and weekends during this season. This I know: if the Lord allows me to give my time more fully to Him again, I hope I will do that with a much deeper appreciation. Being in ministry is a privilege: one that I may have taken for granted too often.

As a kid, time was fairly easy to come by. Summers between years of school were whiled away in hammocks with books or helping with kids' clubs. I enjoyed my free time, but now that my time off is much more limited, I realize what a valuable trust time is. I knew before that it was important to make good use of time, but now I understand at a new level.

These are just a few examples, but the list goes on. A dental bill reminds me of the good ol' days when mom and dad paid my way. A cold shower is better if I sweat first. Maybe it's just me, but the carrots I planted, watered and weeded last summer--even with their sunburned tops--seemed extraordinary. Going back to store-bought carrots in the winter was a sad adjustment. Time is teaching me the value of the hard days, heightening the joy of the sweet seasons.

I'm sure you have some contrasts of your own. We don't fully appreciate good health until we're sick. Precious friends are more valued when they leave: we ache for those times we took for granted. God indeed works "all things" together for good. I'm thankful for the seasons of life, my tutors in contentment, thankfulness and appreciation for God's sovreignty.